Moving On

The past 3 years I have been the school psychologist designated to the preschool assessment team for the county. The team as a whole does approximately 350 evaluations a year. I am not on all of the evaluations, but am usually on the tougher ones (children with severe medical issues, extreme behavior problems, autism, early signs of ADHD and so on). I work with a team of speech pathologists, occupational therapists and physical therapists. Over the past 3 years I have learned more, just by the sheer case load, than I probably would have learned in 10 years had I not been part of the team. I have made some close friends that will hopefully remain close for years to come. But this year I hit a wall. I became burnt out, majorly, and was on the way to becoming depressed. I also knew though to be grateful for a profession I enjoyed in a time when many people were just desperate for a job. Around September this school year (only 2 months in) I knew I needed to get off the assessment team.

As the psychologist on the team the responsibility typically fell on me to deliver the bad news. While some parents came into our assessment having already received either medical diagnoses or prior intervention from the state, others did not. Some parents came in with a 4 year old child with stereotypic behaviors, language delays, and lack of interest in peers. Then after hours of extensive testing with the child and interviewing with the parents, we would determine these characteristics were consistent with autism. Then it became my job at the eligibility meeting to tell the parents. To sit there while some parents cried as they asked if their child can be cured while others sat there angry and expressionless. I always thought that if I ever go back to graduate school I would like to write a dissertation, or maybe one day, just a book on the grief cycle and how it relates to parents grieving the loss of a neuro-typical child. I have seen parents in all stages of the grief cycle. Very few were in the "acceptance" phase. In fact only one mother's face and child come to my mind. I think her child's eligibility meeting was harder on me than her. Her child looked like she could have been my child. Every day at work was a wake up call for me to acknowledge, appreciate and treasure the life and children I have.

Half way through the school year I talked with our lead psychologist and told her I needed to get off the team. I told her that I would do what ever I needed to remain employed, but that I really needed a break from preschool assessments for the afore mentioned reasons. She and the director thankfully listened. Our county had an opening for one new staff member and they listed the position as a preschool assessment psychologist. While I will miss the girls I worked with every day I am looking forward to the change. I will serve as elementary only next year. Let's hope it will allow me the emotional break I needed!

Humor has always been a great tool for dealing with emotionally heavy situations. Our team did not run short on humor. I will miss our quote wall. Each quote has a great story, maybe I will do that on a different post. For now, here is the wall: