Boys and Schedules?

Sunday night brought tons of snow, leading to a full on "snow week" for us. No school for the entire week due to snow! That meant lots of play time for Ben and Blaine. They ended up having about a three day play date. On day 2 of the play date I called next door to let Ben's dad know that I was about to leave for some errands and asked if Blaine was ready to come home. He informed me that Ben and Blaine had written out a schedule of all the things they wanted to accomplish. I thought that was hilarious!

Sure enough when I got home and called next door to let them know I was home the boys came straight over. They then accused me of messing up their schedule! Apparently, they had "play at Blaine's house" further up on the list and because I wasn't home they had to do things out of order.

When Anna came over to drop Ben's stuff for another sleep over, I asked if she had found the schedule. She had not. The coveted schedule is MIA. She said it was quite funny though. When they woke and she offered them home made pancakes for breakfast they both declined, because it was not yet breakfast time on their schedule!

Those boys. They are in between being little boys and big kids. This time last year I remember thinking it was so sweet that on the day Blaine and I toured the aquarium and World of Coke, he held my hand for the majority of the day. This year...well, I attempted to hold his hand the other day on the way into the grocery store. He didn't flat out refuse, but he slowly loosened his grip so that there was no longer anything for me to grasp onto.

I knew this day would come. There were certainly moments throughout these past 7 years that I craved "alone time". Graduate school, a toddler and newborn, then preschool and big school, all while balancing a career with a spouse who had his own demanding career often involving travel. So many things always demanding my attention. But I feel like I never forgot the big picture. They are not little forever, they grow up. Thus, I may not have ever really stuck to schedules, I may have never been as strict as other parents. But, I will not be sad that my kids are growing up. I enjoyed every moment of them being little. I co-slept. I sat on the floor in the mist of a messy house and played with them. I let them stay up way too late, in bed with me, to watch a show, just because I knew this would not be forever. There were moments when Blaine was 4 years old, and still co-sleeping, that I wondered if I had made bad choices as a mother. Was I not firm enough with establishing boundaries? No.

I do not regret my attachment style parenting methods. I breathed in the scent of Blaine every night. I showered kisses and "I love you's" on him constantly. I did it while I could. This is not to say that I think my days of being affectionate with him are over. But if I must chose my times (when no friends or people are looking) then fine. At least I know that I enjoyed every moment as the mother of a baby boy, then toddler, and little boy that I could. If he is ready to be a "big kid" who call play-dates "hanging out" then fine. If he does not want me to hug or kiss him or hold his hand in public, then fine. This is normal childhood development. I can let him go, because I know that I held him tight every chance I had.