Questions...

The other night as I was tucking Aislin in bed she began unleashing all her fears about kindergarten. She told me she was so nervous about riding the bus and that her stomach hurt just thinking about it. What if nobody wanted to sit with her on the bus? I told her Blaine would. What if nobody wanted to play with her? I assured her that has never been a problem before. What if the teacher asked her to spell "evaporation"? I told her the teacher wouldn't. But what if she did? I told her that her teacher would not ask her to spell evaporation in kindergarten. Nevertheless, we did not go to sleep that night until I had gone over with her how to spell evaporation.

Last night Aislin wanted to know how long the days kept going. It took a while for me to clarify and figure out what she was really asking. She asked how Monday turned into Tuesday and how the weeks kept going, and how long would the weeks keep going? I finally figured out that she wanted to know when would time stop. I told her that when she died time would stop. She asked what would happen after she died. I told her she would go to heaven. She asked if everyone went to heaven. Seriously, this was not a conversation I was ready to have. This is not the first time she has asked questions about an after life or about God. It is hard to know how to answer her. Do I really want to tell her about Heaven and Hell? Do I truly know what I believe enough to tell her that I think I have the answer? Does she understand faith versus fact and that fact can be relative depending on the sources. Maybe when I begin reading up on Chaos Theory and I will read it with her.

Sometimes her questions are so hard to answer in an age appropriate manner. So last night I told her that everyone goes to Heaven and that time does not stop once you are in Heaven. I'm not sure if she liked that answer, but it was the one I was prepared to give last night. I know that with both my children telling them that something is so, just because someone said it is so will not work. I know that I have faith in things unseen, but I do not have answers or proof even for my own questions. I will tell them what I believe and why I believe it, but at the end of the day beliefs come down to faith. To me, nothing appears as black or white, everything is shades of gray.