The Importance of Competency

It is so important for children to begin feeling true, not contrived, competency at an early age. I believe success breeds success. Children need to struggle through a task and then be able to experience the true feeling of successfully mastering the task or goal. I had high hopes for Blaine's athletic prowess when he was an infant and rolled over, sat, and crawled early. The walking came on time, the hopping came late, and the skipping has not emerged. Nonetheless, I signed him up gymnastics at age two, which he loved, for soccer at age three, which he hated, and t-ball at four. The soccer and t-ball quickly fizzled out. He felt frustrated and didn't want to go, which in turn made me frustrated and I didn't want to go. I decided team sports could wait (although I really wanted the cute pictures!). I had no issue with quitting and did not feel like I was setting a bad model for him by quitting (before the first game in fact). 
 
As a parent we must constantly make decisions, and informed ones when we can. I thought about my long term goals for Blaine: 1. Be healthy, 2. Be active and fit, 3. Feel a sense of pride and accomplishment related to the extracurricular activity. Goals 1 and 2 would need to be achieved through other means. Goal 3 was not going to be achieved at this age through soccer or t-ball. A friend suggested karate. There was a six week special which included a uniform so I went the next week and signed him up. We gave him the gee as a Christmas present. Blaine honestly did not appear too thrilled upon opening the gift. He didn't want to try it on, but did eventually, I think just to make us happy. 

The first karate class came. Blaine loved it. It had structure, it was active, it had various skills to be mastered, and it had a great instructor. All of these factors made karate the first real sport for Blaine. The first few weeks were great. But after about week 8, Blaine began tiring. He just said he didn't want to go. I pressed him for a reason why. Past behaviors indicated that he truly enjoyed the activity. Why, all of a sudden, did he not want to go?

As we talked more about the class, he stated it was too hard. I pressed on and asked what specific part was too hard? It finally came down to the kicks during warm-ups. He stated the kicks were just too hard. I convinced him to go to the next class and just to try his best. I sat and observed. During "rising leg swings" I noticed that Blaine was actually trying to kick his leg so high that it touched his nose. My little perfectionist. My little first-born perfectionist with unrealistic goals. I pointed out to him that his goals of kicking so high to touch his nose every time was unrealistic. I pointed out that maybe, just maybe, he thought karate was too hard because he was trying to achieve something in the class that nobody else could. I then went on to tell him my story of quitting karate in second grade because I thought the duck walks were too hard. I told him I never even made it to yellow belt. He thought this was very sad. But he continued on with karate. I took this opporttunity to introduce to him the idea of "being good enough" rather than always being the best or being perfect. (This lesson, by the way has been useful and often reiterated as we began kindergarten with all of its handwriting requirements.)
 
After 9 months Blaine had made it to green belt and had broken four boards. I have the belts displayed in his room to remind him of his accomplishments. Due to my work schedule and his class times we have taken a break from karate for now. We have moved on to another activity though for the school year- Chess club.
 
He is the only kindergartener in chess club. His coach commented at the end of the fall semester that he had come such a long way. He had learned not only the name of all the chess pieces, but how to set up the board and how to implement various chess strategies. He received his first trophy at the end of the fall session. I'm not sure that Blaine realizes at this point that it is really just a participation trophy, and I am not going to tell him either. He smiled for days and moved the trophy all around the house. He even offered to give it to me several times and told me that I deserved it. I found it sitting on my night stand and dresser many different nights.
 
I love to see him feeling confident. At various times when he has stated that something is too hard I counter with the "remember when the rising leg swings were too hard?" Feeling success early because you have been able to master something that was difficult can go a long was as a preventative measure when difficulties are encountered in the future.